For our curious friends following along, gender-fluid means that a person does not always conform to one gender or the other. While there are cisgender and transgender folx, gender-fluid is just like it sounds, more fluid. Some days a person may feel more masculine or feminine, or may prefer to remain androgynous always. They may dress for their personality and not even use labels. That said, the most respectful way to engage someone in a conversation about gender is to ask their name, preferred pronouns, and to honor those preferences. Now all my Gender-fluid folx and allies to the front! This one’s for you. Whether you have a leaning towards masculine or feminine, or are authentically androgynous, in this article we will discuss some wedding fashion forward options for you gender-fluid and non-binary wedding outfits. By no means do you have to follow high fashion on your wedding day, but here are the basics, if you do.
We’ll talk dos and don’ts, provide some brand names to check out, and help inspire the look you’re desiring for your big day. These are starting points to get you going, because you know what you want better than anyone. So, we have included a variety of options to mull over in case one of them sticks. But always use your own natural resource of creativity to make your vision a reality. That’s half the fun of throwing out the dress code in the first place!
We are thrilled to be able to share this information with an underrepresented population of engaged couples. If there is any theme throughout these blog posts it is to personalize your wedding and make it yours. So, naturally, we had to include this piece because it is an important part of personalizing a wedding for some couples, wedding party members, and wedding guests. This article will focus on the groom, but the spirit of the message works for gender-fluid folx. We have even included some resources for all. So, without further ado, let’s take a look at some gender-fluid and gender-neutral wedding attire options, shall we?
It follows that gender-fluid fashion rejects the notion that pants are for men and skirts are for women. Instead, any outfit purposefully disregards this association in favor of inclusivity. In fact, this will also be reflected in the wedding attire. First let’s look at the things you want to do.
Pick something that feels comfortable. By comfortable we mean it feels genuinely like you. We may always have to suffer for fashion, but we don’t have to put a round peg in a square hole. There is no rule that says you must wear a traditional wedding attire on your wedding day. Maybe you prefer a kilt with a tux on top, or a white dress, or even just full out frills. Daniel J. Hakimi of The Second Button, suggests, “If you want a subtler element, wearing high-heeled dress boots, button boots, or similar are great options. Additionally, patent leather opera pumps with a grosgrain bow are a traditional choice for men with a feminine twist, compared to Oxfords.”
Do have your partner or a friend help with your choices to pick the most flattering and stunning choice. Do pick your budget before you start shopping. While there are options for gender-fluid formal wear some can run anywhere from 1-3k for custom pieces. So, decide first how much you’re willing to shell out for your desired look. Do remember to compromise if necessary. Maybe that cape and headpiece just put you over budget and you can only get one. Or the dress shoes you really wanted are on back order and may not be available in time for the big day. Do remember to give yourself plenty of time especially for custom pieces to ensure a good fit and on time delivery. Just like with any formal attire, allow for the unexpected
Don’t assume that all stores are created equally. While you can save some dough going online, you won’t get the custom fit from a brick and mortar store. Don’t rule out ready to wear garments for gender-fluid persons that you can customize with accessories or jewelry. Don’t forget to budget for makeup and shoes if that’s part of your look too. Or maybe you’re just really into your culture and want a custom kilt.
Maybe you’re more into gender neutral wedding outfits with a twist and the kilt doesn’t really do it for you or doesn’t match your wedding theme. But how does one even get started creating their perfect look? Well, if you already have an idea in mind, then you can progress to the next section about finding a store for you.
While we are sure you have heard of Pinterest, it is a great start to mood board your vision ad color scheme. We’ll also add Instagram to that list. And further, here are a few trendy accounts to follow for queer fashion: @itsdoreepierre, @shedoeshim, @_alimedina_ , @daniellecooper. and DapperQ
Admittedly, it is easier to find some resources for suits, don’t forget that once you have your vision you can take it to a seamstress who can help you find what you are desiring. They can do jumpsuits, dresses, suit and skirt combo, really whatever your heart desires. But just in case, here is a list of gender neutral brands to also keep in mind for those with a little extra flair.
Kirrin Finch, Queera Wang, Bindle and Keep, Wildfang, Christian Siriano, Duchess Clothier, The Tailory NYC, HauteButch, SuitShop, So, do a little perusing on your break and see what strikes your fancy. You may end up down a rabbit hole that fits all of your needs.
We recommend Queera Wang to start for dresses, so long as it is in your budget. But we won’t tell if you are just shopping for ideas. While some of those options are mainly for suits, we included them because they are inclusive, and may be able to work with you on something… suitable. Even if that means a skirt on the bottom. Or maybe you’re all about the way heels look with a suit. Whatever your pleasure, now is the time to be your most authentic self as you commit to your person for the rest of your lives.
Now, once you have your vision ready, it is time to start shopping with your budget in mind. Consider both online and in store depending on your needs. Shop around for a good mix of price, expertise, and quality for your budget.
Remember along the way the kinds of accessories, any jewelry, or personalization as well. You may want the inside of your bottom embroidered, or complementary statement pieces. Even though the outfit will be personalized, you can always add those special touches that really make it yours. If you find something you can wear more than once, you may as well make the most of it! Even if it is parts at a time and not the whole outfit.
This may be your time to shine in the way you have always felt you deserved. This may be more than just a fashion statement because it is you, being your authentic self. Maybe this is a new freedom, and you are dying to explore and show off. Take the time you need to find something that speaks to you, and allow time to let it come to fruition. Your patience will pay off when you have your dream piece that is gender-fluid, and most importantly, you. You’ll be camera ready and waiting to say cheeeeese!
You are the expert on what feels right to you in terms of your relationship to clothing. You know how you feel inside and how to express that to the world. And, your partner loves you for it. That’s really what matters.
We have provided several starting points to consider, some examples and basic definitions, and some resources to get you started on your gender-fluid journey. This is an exciting part of planning a wedding so remember to have fun with the fantasies and the fashion shows. We’ll even play Vogue in the background.
However, don’t just get bogged down in the details. It may be more than a one time outfit, we totally understand that. While this is a fabulous way to showcase your style in front of your friends and family, don’t forget that it is not the only part of the wedding. It can be tempting to go overboard in the name of high fashion and self-expression. Trust us, we know. But don’t lose sight of the big picture. And the big picture is that your partner loves you for exactly who you are, and whatever you wear won’t change that. At the end of the day, dear reader, you will be married to the love of your life. Someone who will always be there for you and support you when it matters. And that simple fact is something you cannot budget for because it is truly priceless.