Many grooms take a backseat for much of the wedding planning process, which often works just fine. Your fiance may prefer to be the primary planner, and you may be happier without the stress and pressure that comes with the role.
But even if you’re not the one taking on the bulk of the planning work, you still have a very important role in the process: supporting your fiance.
What does that mean? Basically, if you’re not the one handling all the details, you need to be helping the person who is. This could be through actionable steps or emotional solace.
Below we’ve outlined the best ways to support your bride to be during the wedding planning process. Follow along to read about how you can be an incredible groom, from the moment you pop the question until you jet set away on your honeymoon.
Let’s start with one of the most basic ways you can be of service. As your fiance plans the wedding, you need to ask how you can help. Not once, not twice, but pretty much every day. Anytime your partner talks about wedding planning, ask what you can do to help.
Even if there is nothing for both you and your fiance to do at that time, your partner will know that you are ready to take on any jobs they can’t handle on their own.
There’s a good chance your fiance may become a bit of a control freak during the wedding planning process. It’s completely normal when dealing with such a stressful role, and it should pass quickly once the wedding whirlwind has subsided.
In the meantime, it could cause them to turn down your offers to help over and over. For whatever reason (warranted or not), they may not trust you to take on the important tasks. Or they may not know what they can easily delegate. Anyone who has worked in a team setting knows that sometimes it seems easier to do things yourself instead of showing someone else how to, even if you suffer for it in the long term.
So you may be unable to ask, “How can I help?”
You may need to approach your partner with specific things you can do to ease their stress and lighten their to-do list. Here are some examples of things you can say to your fiance that will help them feel supported and heard during the planning process:
Before you know it, you’ll be sharing many of the wedding responsibilities, something that could bring you closer to your partner and help you feel like the day belongs even more to you.
It’s a bit of a stereotype, the idea that the groom is disinterested in wedding planning beyond the bachelor party, the color of his suit, and holding on to the wedding bands. Chances are you are excited and interested in the details, but it may be hard for you to express.
This could become isolating for your partner. They may feel like they are doing all the wedding planning alone or that you really don’t care much about the big day. And yikes! Does that mean you don’t care about them?
Of course not, but you can see how those ideas can quickly spiral.
So ask your partner about the small details of the wedding. Have they picked out music? What color will the wedding party be wearing? What time should the rehearsal dinner be? Want to test some drinks for cocktail hour?
Offer to take a drive by the wedding venue, just because you’re excited to see it again. Share things you’ve loved about past weddings to see if you two can incorporate them into your big day.
As you share your excitement over the details, your fiance will feel less like a lone wolf, out there managing a major event on their own. Instead, they’ll feel like they’re creating a day based around the two of you.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for your fiance is be a shoulder to lean on. They may feel overwhelmed, anxious, emotional, or nervous, and they just need someone who will listen to them, take them seriously, and give them room to express themself.
How can you help your fiance to relax? If you don’t know this yet, now is the time to find out. Do you rub their back, brew tea, make them laugh, or do all of the above?
Learning how to support your partner emotionally will help them feel better about your engagement and the wedding planning process, and it sets you up to be an all-star husband in the years to come.
Your partner may be on cloud nine one day and in the depths of wedding hell the next. They may see each bump in the road as the end of the world, each inconvenience an overwhelming defeat.
As they lose sight of the meaning of the wedding, you can support them by reminding them of the end game. But you need to do it delicately.
Please don’t say anything along the lines of “You’re overreacting.”
Instead, guide your fiance toward conversations that will help them see the big picture.
You can help your fiance better manage their feelings about things beyond their control, and bring the wedding planning back to its overall meaning: you two becoming a married couple.
There may be times in your engagement when things seem a little rough around the edges. Maybe your partner is turning into a wedding-zilla, or you’re not handling the stress well. You two could be arguing or having issues with each other’s families.
The good news is that if things were overall fine before the wedding, they’ll likely return that way afterward. Weddings just bring out the emotional edge in everybody.
In the meantime, try your best to be a supportive partner. Sometimes that may mean letting things go. Forgive your partner if they say or do something wrong during the engagement, or let it go if they’re not listening to your opinions on things you don’t care much about anyway.
Of course, you should ensure you get a say in important wedding day opinions and that your relationship is overall healthy and functioning. But if you find that little things are bugging you more during the stresses of wedding planning, try to let things roll off your back as much as possible.
Sometimes little conversations can feel overwhelming if you’re burdened by a lot of stress. Your fiance may have difficulty discussing budgeting, logistics, or overall vision if it conflicts with anyone else. Ruby Sandoval, wedding and family photographer, wants you to know, “It’s okay to ask for things you really want. My husband did this for our wedding and it meant the world to me because he wanted to be more involved and have his own special inclusions. Don’t be afraid to ask for things that YOU want at YOUR wedding.”
You can also help by being a level-headed communicator. This may mean setting boundaries with family, though try to do so as kindly as possible. It may also involve communicating with vendors. You can send a couple of emails to confirm details or finalize the song choices to send to the musician.
Or, if a vendor is being unreasonable in their requests, you can take over handling that conflict for your partner.
Here are some tips to help you communicate well with others during wedding planning:
You likely proposed to your partner because you believe they will be a good spouse. So while they’re busy preparing for the wedding, you can also prepare to be a good husband.
If you sometimes feel like you’re twiddling your thumbs while your partner is a busy bee with wedding tasks, put your energy toward something worthwhile. Attend a men’s support group, read relationship books, and ask your partner what they’ve dreamed about having in a husband.
Not only will this help set you up for a successful first year of marriage, but your fiance will also find peace amid their wedding planning woes as they see you put in such a sincere effort to be the most supportive groom you can be.
So now that you know ways to be a supportive groom, you’re also better equipped to be a better husband. The challenges you face as a couple make you stronger and will help you handle future challenges life throws at you.
So reach out to your fiance, help with their emotional and material needs, and keep your sights set beyond the wedding day. Soon you’ll be growing closer together as you work toward creating a beautiful wedding and a beautiful marriage.