Help! My Partner Won’t Plan the Wedding!

By  The Groom Club Editors 
Updated on 08/16/22
Wedding

Part of the Wedding

Help! My Partner Won’t Plan the Wedding!

By  The Groom Club Editors 
Updated on 08/16/22

The moment you’ve been waiting for has finally come to fruition – you proposed or were proposed to and now you’re engaged! Being a fiancé is a short and sweet moment in time filled with anticipation and excitement. Not only do you get to spend the rest of your life with the person you love most, but you get to plan a celebration with all of your friends and soon-to-be-shared family. 

There’s a lot that goes into planning your dream wedding. The venue, catering, music, photographers, lodging, and guest list are just a handful of the many things you’ll need to consider when mapping out your big day. It’s a significant amount of work… WAY too much for one person, in fact.

Planning your wedding is supposed to be a shared affair between you and your boo, but what happens when your partner isn’t quite as enthusiastic about the details as you are? It can feel discouraging and isolating when your mind is swirling with thoughts of vendors, vows, and RSVPs while your significant other is on a different page (or planet). We’re here to help. Read on to find out how to make it through the wedding planning process without letting stress steal away the magic.

Don’t Take It To Heart

First, a lack of interest in planning a wedding shouldn’t automatically be equated with a lack of interest in your relationship. In any partnership, trust is key, and that includes trusting that your partner is true to their word. Before you start an argument or make assumptions, remember the strong foundation that your relationship has been built upon. You have months or years of memories and commitment under your belts – enough to commit to a lifetime with each other – and that shouldn’t be discounted.

That’s not to invalidate your feelings, though. It is only natural to feel discouraged when your expectations of your partner aren’t matching up with reality. You may have envisioned romantic evenings of planning centerpieces over wine or adventures to view venues together. Be kind to yourself regardless of what the actual reason for their lack of involvement is; it’s okay to be disappointed. Just don’t let your disappointment immobilize you.

Put Yourself In His Shoes

Empathy can be a great emotion to channel before having a conversation with your partner. Can you think of why they might not be focused on wedding planning? Perhaps they’re dealing with an outside stressor – like personal finances or work. They might be anxious about the guest list, or family members who aren’t accepting of your relationship. Whatever the case is, considering what’s going on in your loved one’s life may help you rationalize their behavior before having a direct conversation. Re-framing your mindset is the easiest way to avoid outbursts or fights that have the potential to throw a wedge between the two of you.

Lean Davis, the co-founder and COO of Cicinia, has worked with countless married couples and provides some advice from her experience. “To include the groom in the process, make sure that their perspectives or opinions are taken into consideration so that they won’t be reluctant to provide their suggestions. Assign a portion of the planning to the groom, such as taking care of the ring and flowers. He will view the process as being more personal that way. More importantly, concentrate on what he excels at or his area of specialization”

Plan What You’re Going To Say

Plan What You’re Going To Say

Instead of randomly confronting your partner after work and saying, “You don’t care about me or our wedding!” collect yourself and create a list of talking points to go over before having a conversation. Communicating is an important part of a relationship, but talking things out can be difficult to do effectively when emotions are running high. Organizing your thoughts is a cathartic way to enter the conversation with confidence, and not hurt anybody’s feelings or ego along the way.

You and your soon-to-be-husband probably already have your own unique way of communicating. But if you’re overwhelmed at the idea of broaching the issue and not sure where to start, here are a few tips:

My Partner Won't Plan the Wedding-Info

 

  • Use “I feel” statements. Do you remember learning about “I” statements in elementary school? That tactic works for pretty much all vulnerable conversations, whether you’re 5 or 25. For example, instead of saying, “You don’t care about the wedding because you’re selfish and wrapped up in work.” you could say, “I feel sad and anxious when you prioritize work obligations over our wedding. I’d like us to set aside more time to plan this as a couple.” 
  • Highlight the good stuff. You’re marrying your fiancé for a reason. Since you think he’s the best guy in the world, showing your love for him should be the easy part. A compliment or two throughout the conversation can go a long way in fostering feelings of togetherness. After all, nobody wants to feel like they’re dropping the ball in every facet of their relationship. If you’re happy with your partner in every way besides the whole wedding planning thing, make sure he knows that!
  • Fight to resolve, not to win. While it can be tempting to focus on “winning” the argument, fighting against each other as opposed to with each other can breed feelings of resentment. Keep in mind that you both share a beautiful common goal – to build a life together that you’re proud of and have an unforgettable wedding. Fighting tooth and nail is only likely to make both of you less excited to plan your special day.
  • Let go of resentment. It’s understandable if you’re frustrated with your spouse for not being involved in the wedding planning process thus far. That said, there’s a good chance that a productive and honest conversation will serve as a healthy starting point for getting back on track. It might help you unwind from this stressful conversation by not jumping directly into wedding planning. Plan a fun date night or at-home spa day to unwind and reset.

Make A Date Of It

Wedding planning is stressful, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun! Invite wedding talk into your date nights to keep things spontaneous and exciting. After all, treating your preparations like a chore is certainly less likely to inspire butterflies. Here are some date ideas to get you started:

Make A Date Of It

 

  • Make your own pizza night. Pre-made pizza dough and other ingredients you need to make your own pie can be found at most grocery stores. Spend the evening decking out your dough with your favorite sauce and toppings & talking over one aspect of your wedding. (Photographer, DJ, guest list… just not all at once. There’s always next week!) 
  • Highlight the good stuff. Scour the internet for promising cocktail recipes & take to the kitchen to bring them to life. Invest in a shaker, fun glassware, and fresh fruit garnishes to make the experience more authentic. Not into alcohol? Mocktails are just as fun to make and twice as tasty as their counterparts. Who knows, you might even find a new speciality drink to serve at your wedding.
  • A couple’s mixology course.While it can be tempting to focus on “winning” the argument, fighting against each other as opposed to with each other can breed feelings of resentment. Keep in mind that you both share a beautiful common goal – to build a life together that you’re proud of and have an unforgettable wedding. Fighting tooth and nail is only likely to make both of you less excited to plan your special day.
  • A walk on the wild(flower) side. Maybe you know the difference between a daffodil and a buttercup, or maybe you don’t. Either way, visiting a flower shop and building a bouquet as a couple is a sweet way to get a mental image of your wedding flowers. Being able to place the name of a particular flower with its appearance is a helpful skill when it comes to decorating and accessorizing.

Enlist The Help Of Family & Friends

Enlist The Help Of Family Friends

Although weddings are in and of themselves intimate occasions, your friends and family members can help you bring your dream day to life too. Don’t be afraid to reach out to siblings, coworkers, friends, and Facebook groups alike for guidance. People who have already had weddings are chock full of experience-based advice and can be excellent resources for soon-to-be spouses.

On the other hand, you might be flooded with conflicting opinions from everyone including your parents, to Mike on the wedding planning subreddit. Ultimately, nobody’s opinion matters but your’s and your spouse’s, so be sure to take each piece of advice with a grain of salt. Not all grooms, brides, family, venues, and circumstances were created equal.

Don’t Strive For Perfection

Wedding List

Out of all of the wedding advice you receive, there is a sentiment you’ll hear over and over again. The statement that people say often is, “Don’t get too caught in the details. Something will go wrong on the day of your wedding no matter what.” Whether it is inclement weather, forgotten tux, or missing cake, you can’t control the outcome of every scenario and most weddings aren’t picture-perfect. What you can do, though, is enjoy your special day with people who love you and your spouse. After all, your wedding doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful or memorable.

Final Thoughts

Even if your partner isn’t excited about planning your wedding right now, you’re officially equipped with the information you need to make the magic happen. Remember to approach the situation with composure, empathy, and positivity to garner the best possible result. When in doubt, reach out to friends and family for support.

Planning a wedding can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. We hope we provided you with some valuable tips!