As much as you may idealize a 50/50 split with your partner, one person usually takes on most of the wedding planning. As they manage the highs and lows of your engagement, chances are they will have times when they may become a weddingzilla.
What is a weddingzilla? It’s today’s term for a groomzilla or bridezilla, but it can also encompass members of the wedding party – a mom, the best man, or even a coordinator. The inclusive title acknowledges that everyone can experience the unique stress of wedding planning.
If your partner, family member, or friend has turned into a weddingzilla, don’t panic! It’s likely a short-lived phase brought on by the pressure that comes with a wedding. But you can take action to handle it like a pro.
Ahead, we’ll outline common weddingzilla situations and how to manage them. So read along and get ready to be the best groom ever by easing your loved ones out of their stress-induced breakdown.
A parent or family member who is helping pay for the wedding believes that entitles them to make wedding day decisions. This could be everything from the attire to the food to the venue, or they could be inviting guests that you don’t even know.
But you can’t have the wedding day without their financial help, or it would cause too much drama to give them the money back.
Your family member isn’t totally wrong – you do need to accept some input from people who are helping pay for the event. But the way they are approaching may be wrong.
If someone is paying for the venue, catering, and other big expenses, they are technically the host of the wedding. But it’s still your wedding, so the plans shouldn’t violate your vision for the day.
If the financers’ choices don’t line up with your wishes, you’ve got a rough road ahead of you, but you can still get to a wedding day that you’ll love. Here are some concrete ways you can bridge the divide between what the hosts want and what you & your partner want:
A bridesmaid or groomsman is getting out of control. They are planning what they want for the bachelor or bachelorette party, wanting to wear unapproved attire to the wedding, or two members of your wedding party are sparring.
You’re regretting even having a wedding party, as it seems like they’re nothing but trouble.
Your response to this will be twofold: First, try to see this from your wedding party’s perspective. There could be some underlying problems that you can resolve with a little bit of empathy.
Is this a financial issue? Everyone makes and spends money differently, so certain plans for the attire or celebrations could seem reasonable to one person and be a burden for another. As stressful as it may be to replan some things, you may need to reassess your requests to make sure they aren’t a hardship for your wedding party.
If there are rifts among your attendants, try to address the problem directly. This could mean asking everyone to pretend to get along for the next few months for your sake, or it may mean intervening and trying to get everyone back on the same page.
Secondly, reflect on the good memories with their attendants. Remind yourself and your partner why you invited these people to stand beside you and be a part of this meaningful journey. While you have a right to be upset at their failings, it’s not worth losing valuable friendships.
Your future spouse is completely obsessed with wedding planning. It’s all they talk about, and if you try to bring up a non-wedding subject, it’s instantly turned back toward the big day. And it’s not only a problem for you – your partner’s work and friendships may also suffer for it.
One of your first approaches should be a direct request. Tell them that the wedding planning is getting overwhelming for both of you, and you need a weekend (or even just an evening) of no wedding-related talk.
If things go well, see if you can make this a regular thing each week, and set a pact that you both will only engage in an hour or two of wedding planning a day.
There’s a chance the confrontation could turn into a fight, but it could potentially reveal the real reason your partner has reached such an obsessive point.
Perhaps they feel like there’s no way they can get everything done, or maybe they’re simply excited and need a better way to channel it.
Don’t make up for your partner’s obsessiveness by becoming the exact opposite and avoiding any wedding-related conversation. Perhaps some enthusiasm and opinions from you are exactly what they need to help manage their feelings.
Your partner, parent, or a family member has become a weddingzilla in the truest sense of the word. They are miserable to be around. Either they are plowing through every boundary and budget you’ve agreed on, or they’re making unreasonable demands that no guest or vendor can meet.
This is probably really out of character for your partner, but sometimes the pressures of wedding planning can push people to unexpected lows. While you want your partner to enjoy their wedding day, the planning process shouldn’t be miserable for you.
Tell the truth: that your partner has gotten out of hand, and it may cost them friendships, vendor bookings, and a happy start to married life. Also remind them that the wedding is about both of you, and while you are ok with them making the major decisions, you still want it to be a day you can both look forward to.
If it’s a family member who is becoming the weddingzilla, you can try having a direct conversation, but you can also minimize contact until the wedding frenzy has subsided. Give any vendors a heads up about your unruly family member so they know to field any of their requests.
Finally, ask your partner or family member what you can do to help them become more grounded and reasonable. You may find there are practical problems you can help solve, which will free up their energy to return to their old selves.
The tasks and issues are piling up. There’s not enough time to get everything done, and the stress is turning you into someone you don’t recognize.
As you face problems with yourpartner, family, wedding party, and vendors, you may begin to wonder if you are the problem. Have you become a groomzilla?
Take a break from wedding planning, even just for a couple of days. Talk openly with your partner about your struggles and apologize to anyone who deserves it.
Try to let things go. Little details of the wedding sound fun in theory, but once they begin stressing you out it may be time to eliminate them from your plans.
And hire help, even if you need to make sacrifices to make it work in your budget. A partial wedding coordinator, a professional decorator, or even some help around the house can free up time and energy leading up to the big day.
The wedding day is here, and you should be full of joy. But instead, people are pulling you in all different directions as they try to make your day about them.
A vendor is late, a family member is annoying, the photos are falling behind, and guests aren’t showing up. Your parents are going over your head and adding last-minute requests to the ceremony and reception.
Plus, you and your partner are likely to wear uncomfortable outfits and hairstyles, and have a camera in your face. It’s enough to turn even the calmest soon-to-be-newlyweds into a chaotic nut case.
Even if you planned not to see each other before the walk down the aisle, it might be worth spending some time together before the ceremony. And while you may have dreamed of a perfectly-photographed first look, you need to get away from the cameras and guests and get some alone time.
If you don’t want to see each other fully before the ceremony, try Facetiming, texting, or talking through a doorway. Connecting in any way can help you both remember why you’re doing this.
You may also need to remind your family and friends of any boundaries and ways they can respect your wedding day. Take the alcohol away from the groomsmen, remind your mother that this is not her wedding and she should simply enjoy it for what it is, and trim down group photos to save time and conflict.
Wedding stress can happen to anyone, and you know your partner, friends, and family are good people who are going through a lot. Remember that this time is temporary, and see if you can get creative with ways to make your engagement more enjoyable.
And as you talk with your partner about the wedding casually or in detail, remind each other that it won’t be 100 percent perfect, but it will be your wedding day. And as long as you get to the other side, married and happy, it’s the perfect day. Or if you need help in getting your partner more involved with the wedding planning, we’ve got great tips here for you!
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