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Talking about money tends to make people shift in their chairs and change the subject as quickly as possible. It’s even more uncomfortable when the money is used for something as personal and life-defining as a wedding. However, with the cost of nuptials on the rise, most couples will have to broach the subject of splitting wedding costs with family members and friends at some point.
Even if talking about who pays for what on your special day may make you squeamish, figuring out a plan is a surefire way to alleviate financial stress and anxiety.
In this article, we’ll cover the long-held traditional rules about splitting wedding costs and discuss modern-day arrangements. However, it’s important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Each couple’s family dynamics and financial situation are unique, so you’ll want to make the right decisions based on your situation.
Back in the day, both the bride’s family and the groom’s family had a list of expenses they were expected to pay for the big day. Even the bride and groom had strict rules about what they should cover. As a result, who pays for wedding expenses was much more cut and dry in previous times.
Traditionally, most wedding costs were the responsibility of the bride’s family. This formality originated hundreds of years ago around the idea of a dowry. Even in Victorian times, the bride’s family continued to pay for most of the wedding expenses. They also sent the bride off with a trousseau to pay for a year’s worth of clothing and home expenses. Thankfully, the tradition of selling brides has gone out of fashion, but the financial legacy has taken longer to disappear.
Here’s a breakdown of how wedding expenses have traditionally been divided:
Modern times have brought more flexibility to the topic of splitting wedding costs. Gone are the days when the bride’s family shouldered almost all of the financial burden associated with the marriage ceremony. These days, couples may end up paying for most of it while the groom’s family pays for more. The truth is there are just as many payment arrangements as there are different couples.
That said, some patterns have emerged. According to a 2021 study conducted by WeddingWire, Grow by Acorns, and CNBC, 72% of couples receive some kind of financial assistance from family members to fund their wedding.
Wedding Wire’s 2020 Wedding Report also found that most couples pay about half of their wedding expenses (47%), while parents pay about 52% of the expenses, and other family members chip in the remaining 1%.
While halving expenses between the two families is the most common arrangement, other divisions exist. For instance, some couples may divide the expenses into thirds, with the couple paying one-third, the bride’s family paying another third, and the groom’s family paying the final third. Alternatively, many couples pay for their own wedding without any family assistance.
Asking for money can be uncomfortable, so it’s important to come up with a plan before broaching the subject with family and friends. Having a clear idea of how much you’re asking for and what it will be used for can make the conversation easier and help ensure smooth family dynamics. Below are some tips.
Before involving anyone else in your wedding cost conversation, you may want to talk with your partner and create a sample wedding budget to understand what you need help funding. To do so, price out major expenses like the venue rental, entertainment, and catering. For reference, the average wedding cost around $33,000 in 2024.
While providing this information won’t guarantee financial assistance, knowing what the money will be used for may make family and friends more comfortable with contributing.
When creating your preliminary budget, delineate low, medium, and high options. The low option is what you can afford without any assistance and without taking on too much debt, whereas the medium option factors in some parental contribution. Think of the high option as your no-holds-barred dream wedding.
As you might expect, knowing which vendors to include and how much to budget for each option requires you to be clear about your priorities. With this information, you can still have the wedding you want without having to sacrifice the elements most important to you.
For example, if you’ve been dreaming about a five-course menu, you know to put more money towards catering and less towards things you don’t care as much about, such as photography or transportation.
Whenever you ask someone for money, it’s important to realize that you might get turned down. It may simply be because the person cannot help financially but still wants to be part of your day.
If this happens, you may need to adjust your wedding plan to reflect what you and your partner can afford solo. One silver lining is that, without any outside help, you’ll be free to make all of your wedding decisions without any outside interference.
These days, a couple’s living situation before marriage shouldn’t affect who pays for the wedding, whether the parents of the bride and groom or the couple themselves split the costs.
Age isn’t a factor in whether or not parents will contribute to wedding costs. Ultimately, the decision depends on personal preferences and the ability to pay. But studies have shown that parents are likely to contribute less (about 10% total) if it’s a second wedding.
The maid of honor is usually responsible for bachelorette party decorations and party favors. They might also pay for the bridal shower, gifts, and their own wedding attire (clothing, shoes, and accessories). Bridesmaids typically pay for their travel arrangements, wedding attire, and gifts.
The best man covers most of the bachelor party costs but usually gets help from the other groomsmen. All are expected to pay for their travel costs and clothing.
In general, the bride pays for bridesmaids’ bouquets and individual gifts. The bride might also pay for their hair and makeup and a bridesmaids’ lunch, but these are optional.
On top of receiving contributions from family members, couples may dip into their savings, cut back on daily expenses, and use credit cards or loans to pay for the wedding.
If you’re still feeling stuck when it comes to paying for your big day, check out our guide to wedding costs for more tips. And get advice on how to plan a wedding on a budget, money-saving ideas for a destination wedding, and more topics.
