Pre-Proposal Preparation Plans

By  The Groom Club Editors 
Updated on 09/12/22
Engagement

Part of the Engagement

Pre-Proposal Preparation Plans

By  The Groom Club Editors 
Updated on 09/12/22

First off, if you’re thinking about proposing to your partner, then congratulations! This is an exciting time that may also be kind of scary, and that’s totally normal. This is a big step and a decision that deserves proper thought. So, take a deep breath because we are here to help you through the process. We will discuss what you want to do and what you want to avoid. In this article we will explore if and how to prepare a proposal question and other related details you may want to consider.

A couple's proposal

To Prepare, or Knot to Prepare?

First, keep in mind that the most important part of a proposal is to be genuine and speak from your heart. Even a proposal planned down to the finest of details, may not always go as expected. The best laid plans of mice and men, as they say. So be prepared to pull an audible if something unexpected occurs.  

If you happen to be the spontaneous couple who takes random weekend trips by throwing darts at a map, then maybe it’s more appropriate to wait for the right moment under a glorious sunset that reminds you of your first date. The rest may come organically in a sentimental moment. But even for the impulsive, don’t just wing it completely. It can be nerve wracking in the moment, and you don’t want to say something you can’t take back from that forever memory. 

Also, while a ring is not always necessary or desired, it is widely recognized that an engagement ring or something similar is important to give the moment authenticity that symbolizes your everlasting commitment. We will dedicate another article to alternatives to engagement rings, so be sure to check that out if you’re nontraditional.

An engagement ring being put on a hand

However, for the spontaneous couple, maybe a trip to the jeweler is your next adventure once you get that enthusiastic Yes!  Even in this situation, it is wise to at least have an idea of what you want to say to avoid the dreaded umms and errs. Also, putting pen to paper will provide some direction for the ideal moment, whatever that may look like for your relationship. In this way, you can be moderately prepared and reduce any nerves that may crop up in the moment so you can focus on your partner with fewer environmental distractions.  Now, let’s focus on how to pop the question with more preparation for the groom who always has a back up plan for the back up plan.

Pre-Proposal Checklist

Let us back up for one moment to a pre-proposal checklist. Before you get down on one knee, consider these steps to make sure the proposal is well received. Communication is crucial in any relationship, so making sure your partner is on the same page is important. Don’t rush this decision. It can still be a surprise when you propose, but take care not to make it a Michael Scott ambush of epic proportions. Additionally, it may be prudent to make sure your partner’s parents are also on board if that is an option, and makes sense in your dynamic. If not, then maybe get their best friend’s blessings. Whoever you tell, make sure to keep it a close circle and remind them all to keep it a secret! Sorry Chatty Cathy, you’ll have to wait until after for the hot gossip. 

If you do get a ring or similar jewelry, make sure to triple check the date your ring will be ready.  Importantly, make sure it is insured before you leave the store. High-value or unique jewelry pieces, such as engagement rings, are often not covered by homeowner’s insurance. Specialty jewelry insurance providers can offer you with peace of mind and ensure that your valuables are protected. But most importantly, keep it in a safe place where you can remember until you pop that box open for your sweetheart. For the overachievers, also consider the social media pictures and a possible celebration afterwards. Now that the basic bases are covered, let’s talk about what you want to talk about at the moment.

A checklist

Preparing a Proposal Question

Whether you’re jotting down a simple outline on a napkin, or hiring a company to help you with your dream proposal, it is prudent to spend some time on what you want to say to your partner to demonstrate your love with words. This part can come easier for some than others depending on the person and even love languages. So, if you have trouble expressing yourself verbally, consider enlisting a friend who knows you both to help you word your question well for this momentous occasion. Remember to make it personal and not to plagiarize another romantic moment.  Rom coms and television are like Wikipedia, a good starting point, but certainly not the ending point. Don’t let a quick Google search or movie night ruin your big moment. Furthermore, Allan Spurgeon, Founding Director of Hedgehog, advises, “take time to organize everything on paper and read it aloud until it sounds less prepared and more natural in the moment.” 

infographic for Preparing a Proposal Question

Here are some easy talking points to get you started.  You can share your partner’s best qualities, and demonstrate how you see them through your eyes. They may be insecure about a physical feature that you just absolutely love. Or how you admire the way they handle themselves under pressure. You can share the moment you fell in love with them when they used that one obscure word correctly in casual conversation. Or how they beat you in a crossword puzzle they wrote in ink. A little humor is alright in moderation, depending on your interactions normally. But this is not a stand-up comedy open mic. Focus on sentiment. 

 You can also concentrate on the moment you knew they were the one. How they supported you through that huge deadline and eased your stress just by their presence and coffee refills without asking. 

The most important part, however, is to make them feel your love and to be excited in the moment. You may not share your proposal story daily, but it will certainly be a memory you two share till death do you part. So genuine, authentic, and personal are the key points here. 

 It doesn’t even have to be a long speech; it can be just a few lines. Talking about why you love your partner and wanting to spend your lives together are also classics. Of all the people on the planet in all the multiverses, we found each other, and I choose you, forever. Don’t forget the tissues! 

But again, make sure to add the actual question, “Will you marry me?” Or a similar version of that. The last thing you’ll want is a long silence because they are not sure if you are, in fact, proposing. Awkward! 

Another detail to consider is timing. A stressful time may push back your proposal, but for all the planning and thought, it is worth it to wait for a good time to ask. Afterall, you’ll have the rest of your lives, another week should not make or break it. 

That said, have at least a simple game plan for when the stars align. Maybe a cozy night in is your routine, or your favorite restaurant will help you coordinate. Think about what your partner would enjoy, and activities and hobbies you share to make it personalized. This will add atmosphere to your words to really seal the deal. It demonstrates that you know them, maybe even better than they know themselves, and that you pay attention because you love them. Who could say no to that?

Remember, they will already be swooning from hearing your declaration of love, so take care to reduce stress and nerves so you can remember all the pretty things you want to say. While the actual question is key, don’t forget the rest. A little practice never hurt anyone. Confidence is crucial here, especially for the introverts, and even for the impulsive. 

 

Final Thoughts

So, should you prepare a proposal question? Survey says: most definitely. Even if it’s not memorized down to the pauses, an outline goes a long way. Doing at least some preparation will help to calm your mind to allow you to be fully present for your partner. Even if it is a public proposal, you two are the only ones who matter in this moment. Focus on priorities, your partner. Remove all the barriers or obstacles you can think of to highlight your words. Meaning, it is prudent to spend time on choosing the right ones that will resonate with your spouse-to-be. Maybe cliff diving is your hobby, but they probably can’t hear you bouncing through the atmosphere. Save the fireworks for the celebration. 

Hopefully, by this point, you know they will say yes because you’ve talked about it beforehand. But it can still be intimidating until they actually agree. Therefore, preparation is very important. You’ve got the plan, you’ve got the ring, you’ve picked a time, and you’ve got the right words. All that’s left is to say them coherently to your beloved. You’ve got this!